Not only is life a laboratory for learning (a luscious one I might add) but it’s also a game as well. Clients come to me from time to time trying to resolve upsets or disagreements they are having with people in their lives; personally and professionally. Maybe it’s their 8 year old son who knows it drives their Mom crazy by not doing their homework until the last minute or a great first date that unfortunately doesn’t turn into a second one, or a boss who rolls his eyes as he reviews the most recently presented data.
Whatever the upset is and how passive a role you may think you have in this challenge, I truly believe that we’re still a key player in the communication game. And the quicker one can own, that in some way, they are throwing the ball back, either by what they are or aren’t saying or doing, the quicker one can make a powerful choice to not throw the ball back and in doing so disengage yourself from an ultimately unproductive dynamic.
Awhile ago I was speaking to a group about this concept and I got some push back. They said, “What if a boss is raking you over the coals, and is relentless, what do you do in that situation?” I suggested a few techniques for “not throwing the ball back” even when it’s coming at you 90 mph. Deep breathing, monitoring your own self-talk, and asking yourself, “What do I want out of this situation?”. If being right, proving or defending yourself is the answer; I can guarantee you YOU WILL BE THROWING THE BALL BACK. If creating a win-win, having a mutual understanding, addressing or clarifying a miscommunication is the response, guess what, you’ll have a far better chance. We did a few techniques in the presentation, and the following week, I received some feedback.
“My boss started to scream and rant and rave at me. In the past, I would have shuddered and took it or felt the need to defend or prove myself; neither one leading to any beneficial outcome. Instead I breathed, and focused on what outcome I wanted. Noticing that part of me was in reaction. As she screamed further, I really allowed myself to see her as a terrified 5 year old that was having a tantrum, because she messed up and was trying to cover it up. I kept breathing. I got quiet and said, “What does the team need? We’re on the same page” I said it over and over and over in the quietest most loving voice. She stopped and got quiet. I had totally dismantled her anger and saw that terrified 5 year old, I knew was there. She said, “I don’t know.” I said with a firm and kind voice, “Let me know and I’ll do my best to provide that for you.” Her heart opened and she said, “Thank you.” I have gotten several glowing reviews since that day, and she has never acted out like that. I saw the power of not throwing the ball back and the miracles it provides.
Where in your life are you “throwing the ball back,” and not realizing it? Perhaps not addressing a situation that needs to be discussed, hoping it will go away; getting reactive or needing to defend yourself? When you realize that the real prize is really about a sense of peace, authenticity in your heart, then throwing the ball back has less appeal. Do you want to be right or do you want to Live Lusciously? If you’d rather live lusciously, then not throwing the ball back is a great place to begin.
For other luscious living lady tips, visit my website www.lusciouslivingwithlois.com