This week in celebration of February Fall in Love Month, we are going to go over some power principles on how to fall in love with your life.
1) The Energy Gainer/Drainer Quotient- Pick up one, drop the other.
When you’re overwhelmed and fried, it’s easy to feel like you need a total do over in the game of life. Often what you really need is to up your major Energy Gainers and get rid of a few Energy Drainers and in no time flat you’ll see your zest for life return, and your equilibrium come into its own.
Energy Gainers are those activities, people and circumstances that boost your energy, enhance your enthusiasm, and allow you to feel back into flow. When polling my groups and individual clients on what their Energy Gainers are, some of the most common responses have been: more sleep, baking cupcakes, long walks, petting my dog, dancing, going for a jog, the list goes on. Again, don’t make it into a project. Start simple and just do it.
For me, I love taking a bath and then crawling into bed. While it is incredibly relaxing, I find the next morning I am full of energy and ready to take on the world (or at the very least, my “Things to Do” list). Look at your list, and pick one opportunity during the week to add an Energy Gainer.
Energy Drainers are those people places and things that really drain your energy. The most common ones I hear are: toxic people, clutter, technology overload, and over-committing (even if it’s things that you enjoy). The list goes on. Again, find a way during the week to eliminate one energy drainer, and you’ll be amazed how different you feel.
A client of mine has a family member who is exceedingly negative, so the energy drainer she eliminated for that week was that when she calls this person she stayed on for a mere five minutes to get the information she needed versus the fated obligatory “How are you?” question, that would usually result in a complain-a-logue for the next 20 minutes.
If you do this regularly and consistently you’ll be amazed how much more sense your life makes and how much more energy you have in your life.
By the way, if when you look at your Energy Gainers list you still feel uninspired and tired, just focus on eliminating the drainers, it’s amazing how your energy can get restored by doing that.
2) Say “Yes” when you mean it and “No” when you don’t.
This can be a tough one, especially for women. The RGGS (Recovering Good Girl Syndrome) is alive and kicking in most women, and a tough habit to break. There’s a whole mess of science behind it but suffice to say we’re hardwired and socialized to fluctuate between people pleasing and then boomerang to Resentment Central. Neither destination is very appealing. Many women have totally overridden our DNA to people please, then there’s the remaining 92% of us that are still in the process.
Here are some Power Principles to integrate:
If your voice goes up to the stratosphere and your throat closes down, you are probably yes-sing yourself to death. Learn the cues when you are telling the truth and when you are fooling yourself into doing something you really don’t want to. You can excuse yourself, take a break, go to the bathroom, breathe, and ask yourself, “Do I really want to do this?”
“No,” is a complete sentence. Say it simply with little apology or explanation but with diplomacy and if you can authentically muster it up, enthusiasm. Apologizing or going into long dissertation undermines your power and is very counter productive for both you and the other person. Now they have to take care of you and let you know it’s ok that you’re declining or they get the upper hand. I always suggest my clients start with genuine appreciation if it’s an opportunity that is a compliment to their capabilities. For instance, “I so appreciate that you’ve thought of me for this but actually it’s not going to work out, so thanks so much but I’ll have to say No.”
Conversely, delight in “Yes” when it’s a fit and inspires you to move forward. For those of us wildly curious people (like myself) sometimes a brief pause or taking one day to respond to a possible “Yes” gives us the time to sit with it, and if it’s right, celebrate something new we’re taking on in our life.
3) Take one action per week that’s in line with creating a life that you love!
You can do more (if you want) but don’t put needless pressure on yourself and like I have said, “Don’t make it a project!” So if traveling to Southeast Asia is on your bucket list but your budget and schedule may not permit it for awhile, take out a travel book on it, or do a collage with images of that part of the world to inspire you to get there.
For me, I always wanted an old farmhouse in the country for a weekend home, so I would collect things (welcome signs, cool soap dishes) and put it in my “Woodstock House” bag years before I had the house. Ironically when I did buy a house, it was 6 miles from where Woodstock really happened (Bethel). Funny how when we plant the seeds for creating a life we love, it happens.
Try these tools and strategies, and let me know some of your own that support you in “Falling in Love with Your Life.”