How Learning to Love Myself Rocked My World

My eating disorder wasn’t killing me but the chronic focus on self-loathing was killing my spirit. At 26, I had a spiritual awakening that changed my life. I was locking the door to my apartment and as always, the negative self-talk I now call the “Itty Bitty Committee” was yapping away. “What if you remain 180 pounds for the rest of your life?” This time a loving voice chimed in, “Yes, what if you could never lose or gain another pound again? How would you live your life?” The shudder of truth rippled through my body.

I opened my door, put my scale in the hallway with a note, “Take this scale. It works. Just not for me.” I then wrote a Weight List: Things I will do “Once I’m Thin.”

1) Wear colors other than black
2) Audition whether I think I’m “ready” (code word for perfect)
3) Buy and wear a bathing suit
4) Flirt with guys

One by one these items tumbled out of my mind and on to the page, and one by one I did those things, and one by one, the excuses I was using to put my life on hold fell by the wayside. I lost 30 pounds and have kept it off ever since.

Did I have setbacks? Absolutely! Still dealing with the last 15 pounds? You bet ya! What permanently shifted was the need to punish myself with food.

This was a gift, to be nurtured and practiced on a daily basis. I have since created the 4 C’s to stay on track with self-love:

Curiosity-Shift from Criticism to Curiosity. Curiosity is expansive and invites healing. Criticism is contractive and invites more of the same.
When I’m hurting I stop, breathe, close my eyes, put my hand on my hurt, and see that hurt part as an upset child that needs compassion. Sometimes a simple “Ouch!” shifts my energy.
Creativity is the gateway to one’s imagination.
Reach out to others who are committed to cultivating self-love.

I have the honor of being part of a full day I Love Myself Event (virtually) with Joanna Lindenbaum on May 22nd. I hope you’ll join me. To learn more about her upcoming program and to register, please visit:


2 thoughts on “How Learning to Love Myself Rocked My World

  1. Awesome post. Always love yourself for who you are because blending into society is not fun at all. Always remember the challenge in life is not to become perfect, it’s accepting that you already are.

    • Thanks for your response, Alexa, and your insights, they are right on! Look forward to being in dialogue on the scintillating road towards self-love. Lois

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s